Most of my readers know that we struggled with 3 years of infertility before Keziah. Although we were very open to adoption and even started pursuing it, I still spent a lot of time reflecting on everything I would miss by not carrying and delivering a child myself. When it came to breastfeeding, I was hoping that would be something I wouldn't have to miss out on. I did a ton of research on nursing adopted children and found a lot of encouraging information. I researched various methods of inducing lactation and reveled in testimonies of women who were able to successfully nurse their adopted babies, some even exclusively. So when I finally got pregnant, I was thrilled to be able to experience pregnancy and relieved that breastfeeding would be easy and natural now - or so I thought. I guess because I had done so much research on inducing lactation, I felt like I was really informed on breastfeeding and didn't really do any research while I was pregnant. I just assumed that since I was having a child naturally, breastfeeding would come easy. hahahahaha!
We started off great. Keziah was a natural and had a perfect latch from the beginning. She started rooting within minutes of birth and was nursing at 15 minutes. Nothing to it, I thought! When my midwife visited me for my 24 hour postpartum checkup, she talked a little about how nursing would change once my milk came in. She asked me what nursing books I had read, and I was like, books? what books? I didn't really think about nursing much at all during pregnancy other than, yeah I plan to nurse. All of a sudden she started talking about engorgement and how to prevent mastitis, and I felt overwhelmed. What was even more overwhelming though, was when 5 days later, I still had not experienced any engorgement, and Keziah had not pooped yet. I concluded my milk had not come in. At one week postpartum, I still thought my milk wasn't really in, because I was not experiencing anything like what I was told was normal. My milk had, in fact, come in - there just wasn't much of it. Looking back, I now realize it was a blessing that I didn't read a lot of books. It was better that I not know all the ways my body was, (yet again) not normal.
Convinced that I needed a larger supply, I started pumping along with nursing Keziah pretty much around the clock. Fifteen minutes on the pump would yield about 3 drops and I was convinced I was starving my baby. Still, we pressed on. I was determined to not give up. At her one week check up, she had lost a lot of weight. I'm pretty sure the pediatrician wrote down 'failure to thrive?' in her chart but he didn't tell me this. He wanted me to come in for weekly weight checks. I didn't do it. I decided the last thing I needed was to obsess over numbers on a scale. Keziah was a very happy and alert baby. My mom kept reassuring me that if she was hungry, she would not be so happy and alert. Thankfully, I had read that supplementing is the worse thing you can do when struggling with a short supply of milk. I decided to press on, even if I had to nurse around the clock. I decided to gage my supply on how happy my baby was rather than on the numbers on a scale or how much I was able to pump. And nurse around the clock is what we did. We settled into a pattern of 45 minutes on one side, 45 minutes on the other side, 45 minute break, repeat - 24 hours a day. I never did experience engorgement. I never even felt like my breasts were 'full'. I very rarely leaked a drop and never needed to wear nursing pads. And I never did get good at pumping. But Keziah continued to be a very happy and alert baby.
One of my most vivid memories of those early postpartum days was my mom waking me up from a deep sleep to tell me Keziah was hungry and she couldn't pacify her anymore. I started weeping because I was just so tired and so sore. Nursing hurt like crazy, despite her perfect latch. My nipples were raw and cracked. I sat on the edge of the bed and took Keziah. I didn't even have the energy to grab my boppy pillow and prop myself up against the headboard. I cradled my precious newborn and latched her on as I cried silently in pain. The next thing I remember, I woke up, still sitting on the edge of the bed. I had fallen asleep sitting straight up without anything behind me. I checked the clock and an hour had past. It's a wonder I didn't drop Keziah on the floor. And that's when I noticed she had delatched herself and was sleeping peacefully in my arms. That was the very first time she had ever delatched herself. I concluded she must have finally felt full. That was the turning point for me. For the first time I felt confident that I was going to be able to do this, and that my body was indeed capable of making enough milk to feed my baby.
Oh how far we've come. We went on to exclusively breastfeed for 11 months and are still going strong at 19 months. I've tried offering Keziah other types of milk. She refuses cow's milk (I've tried both whole and 2%). She refuses almond milk. Secretly, this makes me proud. I must have some really tasty milk! We've had a few more challenges along the way, but nothing like that first month. We had to break the biting habit and the twiddling habit. I've had a few plugged ducts. Currently we are working on nursing manners, like asking for nummies rather than pulling at mommy's shirt. But overall, I have loved every precious moment I get to spend cuddled up with my baby nursing.
So what's next? Well, to my delight, my milk did not dry up when I got pregnant. As far as I can tell my supply hasn't even gone down. Statistically 70% of nurslings wean themselves when mom gets pregnant, because the taste of the milk changes. Keziah has shown no signs of weaning. If my milk has changed, she doesn't seem to mind. I really had hoped to make it to two years, as this is the minimum recommended by the World Health Organization, the La Leche League, and other experts. If she weans herself in the next 6 months, I'll be fine with it. But if not, I am actually really looking forward to tandem nursing. Many moms who have tandem nursed testify that it can be a beautiful sibling bonding experience as well as really help the jealous feelings toddlers often feel when a new baby joins the family. Plus, I've heard that it's really nice to not have to deal with those sore, cracked nipples in the early postpartum weeks. So we'll see what happens. In the mean time, I'm just going to keep on delighting in the miraculous ability to feed, comfort, and bond with my sweet baby Keziah, while looking forward to the arrival of a new little nursling.
Happy Breastfeeding Week!
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